Jonathan Schwartz should eat a bag of glass.

On a Saturday afternoon, with the sun sliding through the eastern-facing windows, and smell of breakfast still lingering in the air, I often think to myself "why have I listened through the entirety of car talk? How did that happen? Those guys are entertaining to themselves in direct proportion to how much I hate them. And boy do they entertain themselves!" And yet, lazily, I've let their hour pass. And then Jonathan Schwartz comes on. And I think to myself "I sure have a lot of beer bottles lying around. I wish Jonathan Schwartz would come over, and I could put all those beer bottles in a heavy-duty plastic bag and smash a brick against that bag, again and again, until the bag was filled with fine glass shards. Then how wonderful would it be, on this lazy Saturday afternoon, to pour those glass shards down Jonathan Schwartz's throat. And then punch him in the throat." Instead I just turn to WFMU and am happy to get through that episode in my life. But someday, someday my chance will come.

On the other hand, I really like Steven Devlin. He's a great guy. I would never feed him glass.